Thoughts on Day 1. This blog was started while I'm in Mexico, so here's a picture of a sunny day in Mexico. This is not a structured blog on self help. This is sharing what has worked for me, in any random ways that inspiration hits me.
I'm here to remind people (as in, remind myself) that the sun always shines. Even on the darkest night the sun is shining somewhere on this beautiful planet. Even on the cloudiest day the sun is still where it should be, glowing as brightly as ever. My ability to see the sun does not affect it's constant power to shine.
There is no faith involved in the sun, I know for a fact that every day the sun will rise up on the horizon giving me one more day.
I'm here to figure out who I am, by examining who I have been and who I want to be. We are all here finding our own way. I am here to learn to love myself. How the hell did I unlearn that? We are divine creatures, designed by love. Designed to love.
My whole life I was told to Be Something. Why do I have to be something when I already am something? Why do I have to be told that life is hard and it requires great work? Life is totally amazing. This world is supposed to be our playground, a great big beautiful lab to explore. Full of so many resources, and experiences, and opportunities to learn. I have been learning what I truly believe. From the inside, not the outside in. I didn't have to find myself, I just had to listen to myself.
I believe we were in a different state of energy, and we came here to have this incredibly mortal experience and see what it feels like to have limitations. Being here can be painful, but there is a point to the pain. The pain is a Great Teacher. I am less afraid of the pain.
I'm also learning that loving myself is the best kind of service to others. I'm walking away from enabling love. I can tell I'm evolving, I'm becoming more aware of so many things. Especially now that I'm not chasing after as much.
Some people put themselves in their own prison with their negative thinking. Guilt. Shame. Comparing/competing. Judging others. Judging themselves. I used to think it was my job to help free them. But it's not my job. My job is to do the best with what I have, where I am, and trust myself. The biggest thing that helped ease my grief of many levels from multiple sources was this:
I am 100% responsible for me.
Part of the formidable power in that concept is that it also means that everyone else is 100% responsible for themselves. In general, of course, there are always exceptions to these kinds of statements. I've worked with people with severe disabilities. Or as I like to say, Altered Abilities. But no matter what a person's IQ is, or their intelligence quotient is, they are still ultimately responsible for what they do. They are accountable for what they can process, what they can learn.
Under this radical idea that I am in control of my life, it means I am exactly where I requested to be. For ultimate learning. It means that no one makes me angry, and no one makes me happy for that matter. I choose a perspective based on accepting anger, and accepting happiness (or I don't choose it!) I choose to be aware of pre-programming and go with re-programming to things that suit me. I also can't make anyone angry, I don't have that power. They hold the power to pick their reaction. They hold the power to try and make things better, or make things worse.
I put this into practice yesterday, when I was at the dentist. I absolutely hate going to the dentist. Usually while I'm there my back cramps up from my tenseness and makes things even more difficult for me. I went to floss before my cleaning and I dropped the container of floss into the toilet. Yes, I was nervous. No, I did not floss after that. Then I was getting my teeth cleaned and my brain kept assuring me: it hurts, but it's not killing you. So I just kept repeating: it's not killing me, I'm only getting stronger. I'm getting stronger! I'm getting stronger!!
That kind of pain can make me feel like I'm in a small world of dark agony. However I've also learned that when I am in the darkness that is when I can truly experience my inner light. Being in the darkness and being familiar with my own luminosity is it's own reward. I didn't know my own brilliance until I was in the depths of murky shadowy obscurity and hurt.
The greatest gift I gave myself was Hope. It's a beautiful place to start the healing. My heart broke open many times, but it turns out that the light comes in through the cracks.
This is my first blog, dedicated to the lovely friend who gave me the idea of finding sunshine in the rain. It's about seeing Life beyond the clouds, beyond the horizon, beyond the storm. At night when the sun is gone, that is when I can finally see the beauty of the stars. No more being afraid of the dark.
I've read some amazing books over the last 2 years, here some of the ones that were game changers for me.
The Four Agreements
How to Happify Your Life by Laura LaBrie (anything by Laura LaBrie, I bought them all)
Change Me Prayers by Tosha Silver
The Book of Mormon
OMG!!
ReplyDeleteYou certainly do have a talent with words.
This is the inspirational kind of writing that I can actually read.
To be honest, I don't usually read inspirational stuff because it comes across like a bunch of crap.
But you, my wonderful friend , have a way of writing that does not feel like someone's pushing something on me, but rather leading me to do something that you've already found is wonderful.
And you have found the bumps in the road make everyone's Journey found the same path a little easier.
THAT is what makes it fun to read.
I will be sharing this a lot by the way.
I do love you my friend, and feel so blessed that you're in my life.