Maybe I will try to read the Come Follow Me chapter first. Maybe I should write out every single question and then slog through the questions. It sometimes feels like my most despised exams, because I am not sure if I understand the question, so I wonder if I can pass the test.
The book of Ether is so interesting. The record of the Jaredites! They arrived centuries before the Nephites. How is it relevant to my life? It feels like a vague question and I don't know what kind of vague answer to give. It is relevant to me because I have gone to the Yucatan Peninsula and climbed around ancient building in long gone cities. Places where the lives of the people who constructed it all and lived there, well, they seem to whisper from the stones. Like notes of a song, but not in the right order. So I can't quite catch the tune.
I can climb a big building and feel a rush of longing to know who built it and why, and how. What was the life of the designer, the construction man, and the occupant of these places? Were those archeological sites built by the Mayans? Or by the Jaredites?
My husband and I went to Chichen Itza, and Tulum, and Ek Balam, and Coba, and Becan. I also went to Uxmal, and Edzna, and at least one more small one by Progreso. I have thought long and hard about the three groups who came to the "promised land".
My prayers are working, I am finally getting more out of the Come Follow Me book. The chapter on Ether talks about some of my favorite things. Like how God encourages us to think and act for ourselves. And to imagine God saying: "What will ye that I should do?"
And how sometimes the only thing separating me from the blessings I seek are my own doubts.
I have wondered a lot about having a more full confidence in God. In the book it asks a question I can answer easily, for once. It says to think about a time when I have experienced the Lord's compassion as I cried unto Him in prayer. Well that was today, when I had already started writing this post. My youngest son (22 years old) was driving from Reno in Nevada to Las Vegas. Fifty miles outside of Vegas he started to doze off and rolled his jeep. I heard about it the next morning, I live three hours from Vegas. My oldest son lives in Las Vegas, he got the call in the middle of the night. I only had minimal information, that Reece was in the hospital, and he could probably be released today.
I have a list of friends and family on Facebook, and I sent each of them a message to pray with me. Naturally I was extremely worried. It was a few hours later that Reece called me to say he was just fine. The only thing he broke was his glasses. He has a very sore left leg and the seatbelt hurt his chest. Wow. The relief was indescribable. I felt like we were undeniably blessed. No one else was hurt in the accident, no other car involved. I had a unique opportunity to share my trouble with my friends, I call them my prayer warriors. It brought all of us closer together. And since I shared my concern, we all had our prayers answered.
Reece still has to deal with insurance (did he have the right kind?) and get new glasses, and he can't come all the way to see me and his other two siblings. I'm sure he isn't really considering the blessings right now, but they are very evident to me.
Reece can't come here to visit tomorrow as planned, but I have the ability to drive to Las Vegas to see him. And I praise God for that. I haven't seen Reece in three years.
I also think it's important to note that I am always blessed, because I am always trying to be worthy of blessings. And because the one true blessing comes from having faith. It isn't about if Reece is okay. I wasn't extra blessed because he is alright. I was blessed because I had faith no matter what. Other people aren't less blessed than me because their car accident turned out worse. Or less loved by God. I try to create my own blessings through my trust in the divine. It is a false concept that somehow God loves us less when things are hard. And everything hard seems easier with real faith.
I also like that Come Follow Me points out my own personal ability to receive more revelation. I like the reference to crossing a great deep. Sometimes the greatest depth is my own emotions. I have less devastating emotions, a side effect of working on my testimony. I can clearly see that the Lord has been preparing me for my challenges.
There is another question that I like, but have no idea how to answer. What might God be asking me to do now to prepare for what He needs me to do in the future??
I am preparing to work in the arena of hospice. I have been reading books and thinking about more training. I guess I need to prepare to help others through dying and grief. I learned that self care is important for this kind of work. This means continually brining my emotional and spiritual issues into awareness for addressing. That really makes me think. Maybe I answered this question after all, how about that?
Here is the thing that I don't quite understand about Jared. He was highly favored of the Lord, and yet he kept asking his brother to talk to God. Why wasn't it all about his brother? Maybe Jared wrote the story and his brother was the prophet? It also makes me wonder, at the tower of Babel, if everyone else had a different fate simply because they did not ask God to help them.
There is much that catches my heart as I read Ether this time. For example the Lord first directed the Jaredites from within a cloud. How would I feel if the leader, the one who talked with God, told me and my family to walk off into the wilderness? Crossing many waters in barges. In Ether 2 it says the land of promise is based on the premise of being preserved only for a righteous people. Serve God or in the fullness of His wrath He will sweep the land clean. Like what happened with the Nephites.
This makes me think about the constitution of the United States of America. This country was founded on Godly beliefs. The constitution cannot stand if the majority of the people who live here are not united in their basic faith. The constitution means something different if the citizens do not know (or respect) God. Google says the most Christian nations are the United States, Brazil, and Mexico. Followed by Nigeria. Didn't see that one coming.
The Jaredites were going to a land that could be free from bondage and captivity if the people would serve God. I suppose that also counts with parts of my life when I feel like I am in chains to debt, or the anger of another person, or my own sadness, and the list goes on. And the key to the locks is: serve God. Ok, duly noted. Today I got angry, and that anger welled up inside of me like a force of nature. I made myself sit in my car and breathe until I was ready to go back inside without biting someone's head off. These expressions are no good. Let me be accurate here. Everyone would have kept their head, but I would have been likely to make the situation much worse instead of getting through it to the calmer side. I think I am a bit like Spock, I feel so deeply that I try hard to work within logic to keep emotional power in check. Sometimes my emotions serve me, and sometimes they are my master. I am not interested in crossing that line. God is on this side of that line. So my mantra is: Let love win. Let God prevail.
Write my impressions. Well, I had no idea I had so many.
These people had enough faith to live in tents by the seashore for four years. They may not have needed to stay there that long, except their sin of no calling upon God. What is sin? When a person lacks progression? It is interesting that God tells them to build some more barges and the entire time they are thinking, how will we breathe? How will we steer? But they have to faith to build before they ask these questions. That's real faith. Then the question of sitting in the dark during the entire trip. Is it just me, or does it seem extraordinary that God takes the time to let the brother of Jared do some problem solving for himself? Eight vessels full of people. Did they know how long they would be sailing? did they have any kind of plan for being able to stick together in the waves?
The really important question is: how can I learn to have faith like the brother of Jared? I mean, I'm not saying I'm so awesome that Jesus should show himself to me. However I love the power that comes with real faith. Plus, at the end Jesus says: and by the way, don't tell anyone. Write them down, but no one else is ready for me like you are. That would be the hardest part for me! Plus then the Lord showed this man all the inhabitants of the earth, even unto the ends of the earth. Did he even get to discuss this stuff with his wife?? How would a person be filled up with all of these things and have none of it spill out into his daily life? After that, did the brother never had another moment of anxiety in life? what would that be like. Because he stopped having faith. Because he knew.
And I am only about to read chapter 4!
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